the lesser bourgeoisie-第18部分

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At　forty　years　of　age　a　woman；　above　all；　if　she　has　tasted　the
poisoned　apple　of　passion；　undergoes　a　solemn　shock；　she　sees　two
deaths　before　her：　that　of　the　body　and　that　of　the　heart。　Dividing
women　into　two　great　categories　which　respond　to　the　common　ideas；　and
calling　them　either　virtuous　or　guilty；　it　is　allowable　to　say　that
after　that　fatal　period　they　both　suffer　pangs　of　terrible　intensity。
If　virtuous；　and　disappointed　in　the　deepest　hopes　of　their　nature
whether　they　have　had　the　courage　to　submit；　whether　they　have　buried
their　revolt　in　their　hearts　or　at　the　foot　of　the　altarthey　never
admit　to　themselves　that　all　is　over　for　them　without　horror。　That
thought　has　such　strange　and　diabolical　depths　that　in　it　lies　the
reason　of　some　of　those　apostasies　which　have；　at　times；　amazed　the
world　and　horrified　it。　If　guilty；　women　of　that　age　fall　into　one　of
several　delirious　conditions　which　often　turn；　alas！　to　madness；　or
end　in　suicide；　or　terminate　in　some　with　passion　greater　than　the
situation　itself。

The　following　is　the　〃dilemmatic〃　meaning　of　this　crisis。　Either　they
have　known　happiness；　known　it　in　a　virtuous　life；　and　are　unable　to
breathe　in　any　air　but　that　surcharged　with　incense；　or　act　in　any　but
a　balmy　atmosphere　of　flattery　and　worship；if　so；　how　is　it　possible
to　renounce　it？or；　by　a　phenomenon　less　rare　than　singular；　they
have　found　only　wearying　pleasures　while　seeking　for　the　happiness
that　escaped　themsustained　in　that　eager　chase　by　the　irritating
satisfactions　of　vanity；　clinging　to　the　game　like　a　gambler　to　his
double　or　quits；　for　to　them　these　last　days　of　beauty　are　their　last
stake　against　despair。

〃You　have　been　loved；　but　never　adored。〃

That　speech　of　Theodose；　accompanied　by　a　look　which　read；　not　into
her　heart；　but　into　her　life；　was　the　key…note　to　her　enigma；　and
Flavie　felt　herself　divined。

The　lawyer　had　merely　repeated　ideas　which　literature　has　rendered
trivial；　but　what　matter　where　the　whip　comes　from；　or　how　it　is　made；
if　it　touches　the　sensitive　spot　of　a　horse's　hide？　The　emotion　was　in
Flavie；　not　in　the　speech；　just　as　the　noise　is　not　in　the　avalanche；
though　it　produces　it。

A　young　officer；　two　fops；　a　banker；　a　clumsy　youth；　and　Colleville；
were　poor　attempts　at　happiness。　Once　in　her　life　Madame　Colleville
had　dreamed　of　it；　but　never　attained　it。　Death　had　hastened　to　put　an
end　to　the　only　passion　in　which　she　had　found　a　charm。　For　the　last
two　years　she　had　listened　to　the　voice　of　religion；　which　told　her
that　neither　the　Church；　nor　its　votaries；　should　talk　of　love　or
happiness；　but　of　duty　and　resignation；　that　the　only　happiness　lay　in
the　satisfaction　of　fulfilling　painful　and　costly　duties；　the　rewards
for　which　were　not　in　this　world。　All　the　same；　however；　she　was
conscious　of　another　clamoring　voice；　but；　inasmuch　as　her　religion
was　only　a　mask　which　it　suited　her　to　wear；　and　not　a　conversion；　she
did　not　lay　it　aside；　thinking　it　a　resource。　Believing　also　that
piety；　false　or　true；　was　a　becoming　manner　in　which　to　meet　her
future；　she　continued　in　the　Church；　as　though　it　were　the　cross…roads
of　a　forest；　where；　seated　on　a　bench；　she　read　the　sign…posts；　and
waited　for　some　lucky　chance；　feeling　all　the　while　that　night　was
coming　on。

Thus　it　happened　that　her　interest　was　keenly　excited　when　Theodose
put　her　secret　condition　of　mind　into　words；　seeming　to　promise　her
the　realization　of　her　castle　in　the　air；　already　built　and　overthrown
some　six　or　eight　times。

From　the　beginning　of　the　winter　she　had　noticed　that　Theodose　was
examining　and　studying　her；　though　cautiously　and　secretly。　More　than
once；　she　had　put　on　her　gray　moire　silk　with　its　black　lace；　and　her
headdress　of　Mechlin　with　a　few　flowers；　in　order　to　appear　to　her
best　advantage；　and　men　know　very　well　when　a　toilet　has　been　made　to
please　them。　The　old　beau　of　the　Empire；　that　handsome　Thuillier；
overwhelmed　her　with　compliments；　assuring　her　she　was　queen　of　the
salon；　but　la　Peyrade　said　infinitely　more　to　the　purpose　by　a　look。

Flavie　had　expected；　Sunday　after　Sunday；　a　declaration；　saying　to
herself　at　times：

〃He　knows　I　am　ruined　and　haven't　a　sou。　Perhaps　he　is　really　pious。〃

Theodose　did　nothing　rashly；　like　a　wise　musician；　he　had　marked　the
place　in　his　symphony　where　he　intended　to　tap　his　drum。　When　he　saw
Colleville　attempting　to　warn　Thuillier　against　him；　he　fired　his
broadside；　cleverly　prepared　during　the　three　or　four　months　in　which
he　had　been　studying　Flavie；　he　now　succeeded　with　her　as　he　had；
earlier　in　the　day；　succeeded　with　Thuillier。

While　getting　into　bed；　Theodose　said　to　himself：

〃The　wife　is　on　my　side；　the　husband　can't　endure　me；　they　are　now
quarrelling；　and　I　shall　get　the　better　of　it；　for　she　does　what　she
likes　with　that　man。〃

The　lawyer　was　mistaken　in　one　thing：　there　was　no　dispute　whatever；
and　Colleville　was　sleeping　peacefully　beside　his　dear　little　Flavie；
while　she　was　saying　to　herself：

〃Certainly　Theodose　must　be　a　superior　man。〃

Many　men；　like　la　Peyrade；　derive　their　superiority　from　the　audacity；
or　the　difficulty；　of　an　enterprise；　the　strength　they　display
increases　their　muscular　power；　and　they　spend　it　freely。　Then　when
success　is　won；　or　defeat　is　met；　the　public　is　astonished　to　find　how
small；　exhausted；　and　puny　those　men　really　are。　After　casting　into
the　minds　of　the　two　persons　on　whom　Celeste's　fate　chiefly　depended；
an　interest　and　curiosity　that　were　almost　feverish；　Theodose
pretended　to　be　a　very　busy　man；　for　five　or　six　days　he　was　out　of
the　house　from　morning　till　night；　in　order　not　to　meet　Flavie　until
the　time　when　her　interest　should　increase　to　the　point　of
overstepping　conventionality；　and　also　in　order　to　force　the　handsome
Thuillier　to　come　and　fetch　him。

The　following　Sunday　he　felt　certain　he　should　find　Madame　Colleville
at　church；　he　was　not　mistaken；　for　they　came　out；　each　of　them；　at
the　same　moment；　and　met　at　the　corner　of　the　rue　des　Deux…Eglises。
Theodose　offered　his　arm；　which　Flavie　accepted；　leaving　her　daughter
to　walk　in　front　with　her　brother　Anatole。　This　youngest　child；　then
about　twelve　years　old；　being　destined　for　the　seminary；　was　now　at
the　Barniol　institute；　where　he　obtained　an　elementary　education；
Barniol；　the　son…in…law　of　the　Phellions；　was　naturally　making　the
tuition　fees　light；　with　a　view　to　the　hoped…for　alliance　between
Felix　and　Celeste。

〃Have　you　done　me　the　honor　and　favor　of　thinking　over　what　I　said　to
you　so　badly　the　other　day？〃　asked　the　lawyer；　in　a　caressing　tone；
pressing　the　lady's　arm　to　his　heart　with　a　movement　both　soft　and
strong；　for　he　seemed　to　wish　to　restrain　himself　and　appear
respectful；　in　spite　of　his　evident　eagerness。　〃Do　not　misunderstand
my　intentions；〃　he　continued；　after　receiving　from　Madame　Colleville
one　of　those　looks　which　women　trained　to　the　management　of　passion
know　how　to　give；a　look　that；　by　mere　expression；　can　convey　both
severe　rebuke　and　secret　community　of　sentiment。　〃I　love　you　as　we
love　a　noble　nature　struggling　against　misfortune；　Christian　charity
enfolds　both　t