a woman of thirty-第29部分

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The　way　in　which　the　Marquise　leaned　both　elbows　on　the　arm　of　her　chair；　the　toying　of　her　interclasped　fingers；　the　curve　of　her　throat；　the　indolent　lines　of　her　languid　but　lissome　body　as　she　lay　back　in　graceful　exhaustion；　as　it　were；　her　indolent　limbs；　her　unstudied　pose；　the　utter　lassitude　of　her　movements；all　suggested　that　this　was　a　woman　for　whom　life　had　lost　its　interest；　a　woman　who　had　known　the　joys　of　love　only　in　dreams；　a　woman　bowed　down　by　the　burden　of　memories　of　the　past；　a　woman　who　had　long　since　despaired　of　the　future　and　despaired　of　herself；　an　unoccupied　woman　who　took　the　emptiness　of　her　own　life　for　the　nothingness　of　life。

Charles　de　Vandenesse　saw　and　admired　the　beautiful　picture　before　him；　as　a　kind　of　artistic　success　beyond　an　ordinary　woman's　powers　of　attainment。　He　was　acquainted　with　d'Aiglemont；　and　now；　at　the　first　sight　of　d'Aiglemont's　wife；　the　young　diplomatist　saw　at　a　glance　a　disproportionate　marriage；　an　incompatibility　（to　use　the　legal　jargon）　so　great　that　it　was　impossible　that　the　Marquise　should　love　her　husband。　And　yetthe　Marquise　d'Aiglemont's　life　was　above　reproach；　and　for　any　observer　the　mystery　about　her　was　the　more　interesting　on　this　account。　The　first　impulse　of　surprise　over；　Vandenesse　cast　about　for　the　best　way　of　approaching　Mme。　d'Aiglemont。　He　would　try　a　commonplace　piece　of　diplomacy；　he　thought；　he　would　disconcert　her　by　a　piece　of　clumsiness　and　see　how　she　would　receive　it。

〃Madame；〃　he　said；　seating　himself　near　her；　〃through　a　fortunate　indiscretion　I　have　learned　that；　for　some　reason　unknown　to　me；　I　have　had　the　good　fortune　to　attract　your　notice。　I　owe　you　the　more　thanks　because　I　have　never　been　so　honored　before。　At　the　same　time；　you　are　responsible　for　one　of　my　faults；　for　I　mean　never　to　be　modest　again〃

〃You　will　make　a　mistake；　monsieur；〃　she　laughed；　〃vanity　should　be　left　to　those　who　have　nothing　else　to　recommend　them。〃

The　conversation　thus　opened　ranged　at　large；　in　the　usual　way；　over　a　multitude　of　topicsart　and　literature；　politics；　men　and　things　till　insensibly　they　fell　to　talking　of　the　eternal　theme　in　France　and　all　the　world　overlove；　sentiment；　and　women。

〃We　are　bond…slaves。〃

〃You　are　queens。〃

This　was　the　gist　and　substance　of　all　the　more　or　less　ingenious　discourse　between　Charles　and　the　Marquise；　as　of　all　such　discourses　past；　present；　and　to　come。　Allow　a　certain　space　of　time；　and　the　two　formulas　shall　begin　to　mean　〃Love　me；〃　and　〃I　will　love　you。〃

〃Madame；〃　Charles　de　Vandenesse　exclaimed　under　his　breath；　〃you　have　made　me　bitterly　regret　that　I　am　leaving　Paris。　In　Italy　I　certainly　shall　not　pass　hours　in　intellectual　enjoyment　such　as　this　has　been。〃

〃Perhaps；　monsieur；　you　will　find　happiness；　and　happiness　is　worth　more　than　all　the　brilliant　things；　true　and　false；　that　are　said　every　evening　in　Paris。〃

Before　Charles　took　leave；　he　asked　permission　to　pay　a　farewell　call　on　the　Marquise　d'Aiglemont；　and　very　lucky　did　he　feel　himself　when　the　form　of　words　in　which　he　expressed　himself　for　once　was　used　in　all　sincerity；　and　that　night；　and　all　day　long　on　the　morrow；　he　could　not　put　the　thought　of　the　Marquise　out　of　his　mind。

At　times　he　wondered　why　she　had　singled　him　out；　what　she　had　meant　when　she　asked　him　to　come　to　see　her；　and　thought　supplied　an　inexhaustible　commentary。　Again　it　seemed　to　him　that　he　had　discovered　the　motives　of　her　curiosity；　and　he　grew　intoxicated　with　hope　or　frigidly　sober　with　each　new　construction　put　upon　that　piece　of　commonplace　civility。　Sometimes　it　meant　everything；　sometimes　nothing。　He　made　up　his　mind　at　last　that　he　would　not　yield　to　this　inclination；　andwent　to　call　on　Mme。　d'Aiglemont。

There　are　thoughts　which　determine　our　conduct；　while　we　do　not　so　much　as　suspect　their　existence。　If　at　first　sight　this　assertion　appears　to　be　less　a　truth　than　a　paradox；　let　any　candid　inquirer　look　into　his　own　life　and　he　shall　find　abundant　confirmation　therein。　Charles　went　to　Mme。　d'Aiglemont；　and　so　obeyed　one　of　these　latent；　pre…existent　germs　of　thought；　of　which　our　experience　and　our　intellectual　gains　and　achievements　are　but　later　and　tangible　developments。

For　a　young　man　a　woman　of　thirty　has　irresistible　attractions。　There　is　nothing　more　natural；　nothing　better　established；　no　human　tie　of　stouter　tissue　than　the　heart…deep　attachment　between　such　a　woman　as　the　Marquise　d'Aiglemont　and　such　a　man　as　Charles　de　Vandenesse。　You　can　see　examples　of　it　every　day　in　the　world。　A　girl；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　has　too　many　young　illusions；　she　is　too　inexperienced；　the　instinct　of　sex　counts　for　too　much　in　her　love　for　a　young　man　to　feel　flattered　by　it。　A　woman　of　thirty　knows　all　that　is　involved　in　the　self…surrender　to　be　made。　Among　the　impulses　of　the　first；　put　curiosity　and　other　motives　than　love；　the　second　acts　with　integrity　of　sentiment。　The　first　yields；　the　second　makes　deliberate　choice。　Is　not　that　choice　in　itself　an　immense　flattery？　A　woman　armed　with　experience；　forewarned　by　knowledge；　almost　always　dearly　bought；　seems　to　give　more　than　herself；　while　the　inexperienced　and　credulous　girl；　unable　to　draw　comparisons　for　lack　of　knowledge；　can　appreciate　nothing　at　its　just　worth。　She　accepts　love　and　ponders　it。　A　woman　is　a　counselor　and　a　guide　at　an　age　when　we　love　to　be　guided　and　obedience　is　delight；　while　a　girl　would　fain　learn　all　things；　meeting　us　with　a　girl's　/naivete/　instead　of　a　woman's　tenderness。　She　affords　a　single　triumph；　with　a　woman　there　is　resistance　upon　resistance　to　overcome；　she　has　but　joy　and　tears；　a　woman　has　rapture　and　remorse。

A　girl　cannot　play　the　part　of　a　mistress　unless　she　is　so　corrupt　that　we　turn　from　her　with　loathing；　a　woman　has　a　thousand　ways　of　preserving　her　power　and　her　dignity；　she　has　risked　so　much　for　love；　that　she　must　bid　him　pass　through　his　myriad　transformations；　while　her　too　submissive　rival　gives　a　sense　of　too　serene　security　which　palls。　If　the　one　sacrifices　her　maidenly　pride；　the　other　immolates　the　honor　of　a　whole　family。　A　girl's　coquetry　is　of　the　simplest；　she　thinks　that　all　is　said　when　the　veil　is　laid　aside；　a　woman's　coquetry　is　endless；　she　shrouds　herself　in　veil　after　veil；　she　satisfies　every　demand　of　man's　vanity；　the　novice　responds　but　to　one。

And　there　are　terrors；　fears；　and　hesitationstrouble　and　storm　in　the　love　of　a　woman　of　thirty　years；　never　to　be　found　in　a　young　girl's　love。　At　thirty　years　a　woman　asks　her　lover　to　give　her　back　the　esteem　she　has　forfeited　for　his　sake；　she　lives　only　for　him；　her　thoughts　are　full　of　his　future；　he　must　have　a　great　career；　she　bids　him　make　it　glorious；　she　can　obey；　entreat；　command；　humble　herself；　or　rise　in　pride；　times　without　number　she　brings　comfort　when　a　young　girl　can　only　make　moan。　And　with　all　the　advantages　of　her　position；　the　woman　of　thirty　can　be　a　girl　again；　for　she　can　play　all　parts；　assume　a　girl's　bashfulness；　and　grow　the　fairer　even　for　a　mischance。

Between　these　two　feminine　types　lies　the　immeasurable　difference　which　separates　the　foreseen　from　the　unforeseen；　strength　from　weakness。　The　woman　of　thirt