introductory-第12部分

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my　reflections　were　not　the　most　comfortable。　I　began　to　grow

melancholy　and　restless；　continually　prying　into　my　mind；　to

discover　which　of　its　poor　properties　were　gone；　and　what　degree　of

detriment　had　already　accrued　to　the　remainder。　I　endeavoured　to

calculate　how　much　longer　I　could　stay　in　the　Custom…House；　and　yet　go

forth　a　man。　To　confess　the　truth；　it　was　my　greatest　apprehension…　as

it　would　never　be　a　measure　of　policy　to　turn　out　so　quiet　an

individual　as　myself；　and　it　being　hardly　in　the　nature　of　a　public

officer　to　resign…　it　was　my　chief　trouble；　therefore；　that　I　was

likely　to　grow　grey　and　decrepit　in　the　Surveyorship；　and　become

much　such　another　animal　as　the　old　Inspector。　Might　it　not；　in　the

tedious　lapse　of　official　life　that　lay　before　me；　finally　be　with

me　as　it　was　with　this　venerable　friend…　to　make　the　dinner…hour　the

nucleus　of　the　day；　and　to　spend　the　rest　of　it；　as　an　old　dog

spends　it；　asleep　in　the　sunshine　or　in　the　shade？　A　dreary　look

forward　this；　for　a　man　who　felt　it　to　be　the　best　definition　of

happiness　to　live　throughout　the　whole　range　of　his　faculties　and

sensibilities！　But；　all　this　while；　I　was　giving　myself　very

unnecessary　alarm。　Providence　had　meditated　better　things　for　me

than　I　could　possibly　imagine　for　myself。

　　A　remarkable　event　of　the　third　year　of　my　Surveyorship…　to　adopt

the　tone　of　〃P。　P。〃…　was　the　election　of　General　Taylor　to　the

Presidency。　It　is　essential；　in　order　to　a　complete　estimate　of　the

advantages　of　official　life；　to　view　the　incumbent　at　the　incoming

of　a　hostile　administration。　His　position　is　then　one　of　the　most

singularly　irksome；　and；　in　every　contingency；　disagreeable；　that　a

wretched　mortal　can　possibly　occupy；　with　seldom　an　alternative　of

good；　on　either　hand；　although　what　presents　itself　to　him　as　the

worst　event　may　very　probably　be　the　best。　But　it　is　a　strange

experience；　to　a　man　of　pride　and　sensibility；　to　know　that　his

interests　are　within　the　control　of　individuals　who　neither　love　nor

understand　him；　and　by　whom；　since　one　or　the　other　must　needs　happen；

he　would　rather　be　injured　than　obliged。　Strange；　too；　for　one　who　has

kept　his　calmness　throughout　the　contest；　to　observe　the

bloodthirstiness　that　is　developed　in　the　hour　of　triumph；　and　to　be

conscious　that　he　is　himself　among　its　objects！　There　are　few　uglier

traits　of　human　nature　than　this　tendency…　which　I　now　witnessed　in

men　no　worse　than　their　neighbours…　to　grow　cruel；　merely　because　they

possessed　the　power　of　inflicting　harm。　If　the　guillotine；　as

applied　to　office…holders；　were　a　literal　fact；　instead　of　one　of

the　most　apt　of　metaphors；　it　is　my　sincere　belief；　that　the　active

members　of　the　victorious　party　were　sufficiently　excited　to　have

chopped　off　all　our　heads；　and　have　thanked　Heaven　for　the

opportunity！　It　appears　to　me…　who　have　been　a　calm　and　curious

observer；　as　well　in　victory　as　defeat…　that　this　fierce　and　bitter

spirit　of　malice　and　revenge　has　never　distinguished　the　many　triumphs

of　my　own　party　as　it　now　did　that　of　the　Whigs。　The　Democrats　take

the　offices；　as　a　general　rule；　because　they　need　them；　and　because

the　practice　of　many　years　has　made　it　the　law　of　political　warfare；

which；　unless　a　different　system　be　proclaimed；　it　were　weakness　and

cowardice　to　murmur　at。　But　the　long　habit　of　victory　has　made　them

generous。　They　know　how　to　spare；　when　they　see　occasion；　and　when

they　strike；　the　axe　may　be　sharp；　indeed；　but　its　edge　is　seldom

poisoned　with　ill…will；　nor　is　it　their　custom　ignominously　to　kick

the　head　which　they　have　just　struck　off。

　　In　short；　unpleasant　as　was　my　predicament；　at　best；　I　saw　much

reason　to　congratulate　myself　that　I　was　on　the　losing　side；　rather

than　the　triumphant　one。　if；　heretofore；　I　had　been　none　of　the

warmest　of　partisans；　I　began　now；　at　this　season　of　peril　and

adversity；　to　be　pretty　acutely　sensible　with　which　party　my

predilections　lay；　nor　was　it　without　something　like　regret　and　shame；

that；　according　to　a　reasonable　calculation　of　chances；　I　saw　my　own

prospect　of　retaining　office　to　be　better　than　those　of　my

Democratic　brethren。　But　who　can　see　an　inch　into　futurity；　beyond　his

nose？　My　head　was　the　first　that　fell！

　　The　moment　when　a　man's　head　drops　off　is　seldom　or　never；　I　am

inclined　to　think；　precisely　the　most　agreeable　of　his　life。

Nevertheless；　like　the　greater　part　of　our　misfortunes；　even　so

serious　a　contingency　brings　its　remedy　and　consolation　with　it；　if

the　sufferer　will　but　make　the　best；　rather　than　the　worst；　of　the

accident　which　has　befallen　him。　In　my　particular　case；　the

consolatory　topics　were　close　at　hand；　and；　indeed；　had　suggested

themselves　to　my　meditations　a　considerable　time　before　it　was

requisite　to　use　them。　In　view　of　my　previous　weariness　of　office；　and

vague　thoughts　of　resignation；　my　fortune　somewhat　resembled　that　of　a

person　who　should　entertain　an　idea　of　committing　suicide；　and；

although　beyond　his　hopes；　meet　with　the　good　hap　to　be　murdered。　In

the　Custom…House；　as　before　in　the　Old　Manse；　I　had　spent　three　years；

a　term　long　enough　to　rest　a　weary　brain；　long　enough　to　break　off　old

intellectual　habits；　and　make　room　for　new　ones；　long　enough；　and

too　long；　to　have　lived　in　an　unnatural　state；　doing　what　was　really

of　no　advantage　nor　delight　to　any　human　being；　and　withholding　myself

from　toil　that　would；　at　least；　have　stilled　an　unquiet　impulse　in　me。

Then；　moreover；　as　regarded　his　unceremonious　ejectment；　the　late

Surveyor　was　not　altogether　ill…pleased　to　be　recognised　by　the

Whigs　as　an　enemy；　since　his　inactivity　in　political　affairs…　his

tendency　to　roam；　at　will；　in　that　broad　and　quiet　field　where　all

mankind　may　meet；　rather　than　confine　himself　to　those　narrow　paths

where　brethren　of　the　same　household　must　diverge　from　one　another…

had　sometimes　made　it　questionable　with　his　brother　Democrats

whether　he　was　a　friend。　Now；　after　he　had　won　the　crown　of

martyrdom　（though　with　no　longer　a　head　to　wear　it　on）；　the　point

might　be　looked　upon　as　settled。　Finally；　little　heroic　as　he　was；

it　seemed　more　decorous　to　be　overthrown　in　the　downfall　of　the

party　with　which　he　had　been　content　to　stand；　than　to　remain　a

forlorn　survivor；　when　so　many　worthier　men　were　falling；　and；　at

last；　after　subsisting　for　four　years　on　the　mercy　of　a　hostile

administration；　to　be　compelled　then　to　define　his　position　anew；

and　claim　the　yet　more　humiliating　mercy　of　a　friendly　one。

　　Meanwhile　the　press　had　taken　up　my　affair；　and　kept　me；　for　a

week　or　two；　careering　through　the　public　prints；　in　my　decapitated

state；　like　Irving's　Headless　Horseman；　ghastly　and　grim；　and

longing　to　be　buried；　as　a　politically　dead　man　ought。　So　much　for

my　figurative　self。　The　real　human　being；　all　this　time；　with　his　head

safely　on　his　shoulders；　had　brought　himself　to　the　comfortable

conclusion　that　everything　was　for　the　best；　and；　making　an　investment