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the twin hells(两个地狱)-第44部分
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officials; knowing my sorrows; took pity on me and did not insist upon my
performing any kind of labor。 I was left alone with my grief。 None but
God and the angels knew what I suffered。 During the day I could think of
nothing but my dying wife; in the night…time; when the angel Sleep closes
the eyelids down to rest; none came to me; in my dreams the pale face of
my dear one at home in the agonies of death was before me。 I would but
drop sometimes into a dull slumber when I fancied that I could hear her
calling for me; and thus aroused; it seemed to me that I must burst the
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prison bars and go to her。 Knowing how much deeper and stronger; purer
and sweeter the affections and sympathies of woman are than those of man;
what must my poor; dead wife have borne! For thirty days and nights I
endured these torments。 At last the hour came when her sufferings ceased。
Reader; doubtless you have lost a loved one。 If so; you were permitted to
go down to the very brink of the River of Death; you were permitted to sit
at the bedside and administer words of comfort and cheer。 Not so with me。
My loved one passed away; her husband kept from her side by prison bolts
and bars。 And; reader; when you buried your loved one; kind friends
condoled with you; and in some degree assuaged your grief。 Not so with
me。 When the news came that my wife was dead I sat down in my solitary
cell and shed my tears alone。 The cup that was placed to my lips was
indeed a bitter one; and I drank to the dregs。 My wife was one of earth's
purest and best。 We lived together as husband and wife the fifth of a
century。 During those twenty years of married life my wife never uttered a
cross word to her husband。 What greater eulogy could be pronounced! In
the sunshine; and as certainly amid the storms of life; she was constant and
true。 Because of her goodness of heart my home was cloudless。 Many
times during life have the storms and waves swept against my trembling
barque; but in that little harbor called home no storms ever came。 Oh; how
much a man loses when a good wife dies! So great was my distress that;
had it not been for the strength imparted by a pitying God; I never could
have passed through that long night of suffering。 Gone; never to return。
When my prison days were over; I returned to my old home in
Atchison; but how changed it was。 My wife in her grave; my motherless
children among strangers; my home desolate。 As I pen these lines;
surrounded by the fogs and mists of time; the question comes to me ever
and anon; when the hour shall come for me to close my eyes to the scenes
of earth; will I be permitted to greet my sainted wife in the beautiful city
above? Yes。 I have the faith that the loving Galileanthe man of sorrows;
who was acquainted with griefwill in that hour open the gates of pearl;
and let me in。 Until that happy houruntil we meet in the land where none
of life's storms ever reach; my darling wife; farewell!
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CHAPTER XIII
FREEDOM
To all things earthly there comes an end。 Sixteen long; dreary months
of imprisonment finally passed away。 The dark clouds of sadness and
gloom that for so long hung above me now parted; and folding themselves
together rolled away in the distance。 The large iron doors swung upon
their hinges; and once more I breathed the air of freedom。 Drowsy Nature
was just being aroused from her wintry slumber by the gentle touch of
Spring; as I began life anew。 On that; to me; eventful morning the sky
appeared brighter than I had ever beheld it before。 O liberty! No one can
ever appreciate thy blessings save him upon whose limbs have pressed the
cruel fetters of slavery。 The sunlight of freedom falls with its greatest
refulgence upon him who has been surrounded for months and years by
the baleful mists and darkness of abject bondage。 The air of liberty comes
doubly surcharged with the fragrance of the rarest flowers to him who has
inhaled the feted breath of serfdom。 Grateful to God that my life had been
spared; retaining all the ambition of former years; possessed of my
manhood; conscious of no guilt; I felt that; under the guiding hand of
Providence; there was for me a bright future。 With a determination to
succeed; that can never be satisfied short of success; I returned to my
home。 I concluded that instead of going to some distant place; among
strangers; it was best for me to return to the locality where all knew of my
misfortunes and the true causes that led to them。 On my arrival at the
depot I was met by a multitude of friends。 By the reception that was given
me no one; ignorant of the facts; would have for a moment imagined that I
had but a few hours before vacated the cell of a criminal。 I pen these lines
three months from the day when I began life anew; and during that time I
have met with no one so base as to 〃snub〃 a man; who; having met with
misfortune; is honestly endeavoring to regain what he lost。
Is there any hope for the ex…convict? Is it possible for him to be
clothed in the garments of respectability who once has been attired in the
habiliments of disgrace? Can he ever be a man among men who has for a
time been numbered with the debased of earth? To these questions; with
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all the powers of my being; I answer; YES! I do not know how the outlook
may appear to others who have met a similar misfortune; but as for myself
I can truthfully say I was never more hopeful in my life。 There may be
storms in the future; obstacles to meet and overcome; but self reliant; and
trusting in Him who observes the struggles even of the worm; I hope to
soon reach my proper place among men; and in the end reap the golden
harvest of success。 The world is full of kind…hearted people who are ready
to help those who; though unfortunate; are willing to help themselves。
Scores of men annually go out from the 〃Kansas Hell;〃 having paid the
penalties of their crimes;
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