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屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第12部分
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it；butitis；intruth；theperiodsohappilychosenbytheprimitivechurch。〃thedaykeptinhonorofthecreator；〃sayschateaubriand；〃happensatatimewhentheheavenandtheearthdeclarehispower；whenthewoodsandfieldsarefullofnewlife；andallareunitedbythehappiestties；thereisnotasinglewidowedplantinthefields。〃
whatrecollectionsthesewordshavejustawakened！ileftoffwhatiwasabout；ileanedmyelbowsonthewindowsill；and；withmyheadbetweenmytwohands；iwentbackinthoughttothelittletownwherethefirstdaysofmychildhoodwerepassed。
thefetedieuwasthenoneofthegreateventsofmylife！itwasnecessarytobediligentandobedientalongtimebeforehand；todeservetoshareinit。istillrecollectwithwhatrapturesofexpectationigotuponthemorningoftheday。therewasaholyjoyintheair。theneighbors；upearlierthanusual；hungclothswithflowersorfigures；workedintapestry；alongthestreets。iwentfromonetoanother；byturnsadmiringreligiousscenesofthemiddleages；mythologicalpositionsoftherenaissance；oldbattlesinthestyleoflouisxiv；andthearcadiasofmadamedepompadour。allthisworldofphantomsseemedtobeingforthfromthedustofpastages；toassist鈥斺�攕ilentandmotionless鈥斺�攁ttheholyceremony。ilooked；alternatelyinfearandwonder；atthoseterriblewarriorswiththeirswordsalwaysraised；thosebeautifulhuntressesshootingthearrowwhichneverleftthebow；andthoseshepherdsinsatinbreechesalwaysplayingthefluteatthefeetoftheperpetuallysmilingshepherdess。sometimes；whenthewindblewbehindthesehangingpictures；itseemedtomethatthefiguresthemselvesmoved；andiwatchedtoseethemdetachthemselvesfromthewall；andtaketheirplacesintheprocession！buttheseimpressionswerevagueandtransitory。thefeelingthatpredominatedovereveryotherwasthatofanoverflowingyetquietjoy。inthemidstofallthefloatingdraperies；thescatteredflowers；thevoicesofthemaidens；andthegladnesswhich；likeaperfume；exhaledfromeverything；youfelttransportedinspiteofyourself。thejoyfulsoundsofthefestivalwererepeatedinyourheart；inathousandmelodiousechoes。youweremoreindulgent；moreholy；moreloving！forgodwasnotonlymanifestinghimselfwithout；butalsowithinus。
andthenthealtarsfortheoccasion！thefloweryarbors！thetriumphalarchesmadeofgreenboughs！whatpetitionamongthedifferentparishesfortheerectionoftheresting…placeswheretheprocessionwastohalt！itwaswhoshouldcontributetherarestandthemostbeautifulofhispossessions！
itwasthereimademyfirstsacrifice！
thewreathsofflowerswerearranged；thecandleslighted；andthetabernacledressedwithroses；butonewaswantingfittocrownthewhole！alltheneighboringgardenshadbeenransacked。ialonepossessedaflowerworthyofsuchaplace。itwasontherose…treegivenmebymymotheronmybirthday。ihadwatcheditforseveralmonths；andtherewasnootherbudtoblowonthetree。thereitwas；halfopen；initsmossynest；theobjectofsuchlongexpectations；andofallachildspride！ihesitatedforsomemoments。noonehadaskedmeforit；imighteasilyavoidlosingit。ishouldhearnoreproaches；butonerosenoiselesslywithinme。wheneveryoneelsehadgivenalltheyhad；oughtialonetokeepbackmytreasure？oughtitogrudgetogodoneofthegiftswhich；likealltherest；ihadreceivedfromhim？atthislastthoughtipluckedtheflowerfromthestem；andtookittoputatthetopofthetabernacle。ah！whydoestherecollectionofthissacrifice；whichwassohardandyetsosweettome；nowmakemesmile？
isitsocertainthatthevalueofagiftisinitself；ratherthanintheintention？ifthecupofcoldwaterinthegospelisrememberedtothepoorman；whyshouldnottheflowerberememberedtothechild？letusnotlookdownuponthechildssimpleactofgenerosity；itisthesewhichaccustomthesoultoself…denialandtosympathy。icherishedthismoss…rosealongtimeasasacredtalisman；ihadreasontocherishitalways；astherecordofthefirstvictorywonovermyself。
itisnowmanyyearssinceiwitnessedthecelebrationofthefetedieu；butshouldiagainfeelinitthehappysensationsofformerdays？
istillrememberhow；whentheprocessionhadpassed；iwalkedthroughthestreetsstrewedwithflowersandshadedwithgreenboughs。ifeltintoxicatedbythelingeringperfumesoftheincense；mixedwiththefragranceofsyringas；jessamine；androses；andiseemednolongertotouchthegroundasiwentalong。ismiledateverything；thewholeworldwasparadiseinmyeyes；anditseemedtomethatgodwasfloatingintheair！
moreover；thisfeelingwasnottheexcitementofthemoment：itmightbemoreintenseoncertaindays；butatthesametimeitcontinuedthroughtheordinarycourseofmylife。manyyearsthuspassedformeinanexpansionofheart；andatrustfulnesswhichpreventedsorrow；ifnotfroming；atleastfromstayingwithme。sureofnotbeingalone；isoontookheartagain；likethechildwhorecoversitscourage；becauseithearsitsmothersvoicecloseby。whyhaveilostthatconfidenceofmychildhood？shallineverfeelagainsodeeplythatgodishere？
howstrangetheassociationofourthoughts！adayofthemonthrecallsmyinfancy；andsee；alltherecollectionsofmyformeryearsaregrowinguparoundme！whywasisohappythen？iconsiderwell；andnothingissensiblychangedinmycondition。ipossess；asididthen；healthandmydailybread；theonlydifferenceis；thatiamnowresponsibleformyself！asachild；iacceptedlifewhenitcame；anothercaredandprovidedforme。solongasifulfilledmypresentdutiesiwasatpeacewithin；andileftthefuturetotheprudenceofmyfather！mydestinywasaship；inthedirectingofwhichihadnoshare；andinwhichisailedasamonpassenger。therewasthewholesecretofchildhoodshappysecurity。sincethenworldlywisdomhasdeprivedmeofit。whenmylotwasintrustedtomyownandsolekeeping；ithoughttomakemyselfmasterofitbymeansofalonginsightintothefuture。ihavefilledthepresenthourwithanxieties；byoccupyingmythoughtswiththefuture；ihaveputmyjudgmentintheplaceofprovidence；andthehappychildischangedintotheanxiousman。
amelancholycourse；yetperhapsanimportantlesson。whoknowsthat；ifihadtrustedmoretohimwhorulestheworld；ishouldnothavebeensparedallthisanxiety？itmaybethathappinessisnotpossibleherebelow；exceptonconditionoflivinglikeachild；givingourselvesuptothedutiesofeachdayasites；andtrustinginthegoodnessofourheavenlyfatherforallbesides。
thisremindsmeofmyunclemaurice！wheneverihaveneedtostrengthenmyselfinallthatisgood；iturnmythoughtstohim；iseeagainthegentleexpressionofhishalf…smiling；half…mournfulface；ihearhisvoice；alwayssoftandsoothingasabreathofsummer！theremembranceofhimprotectsmylife；andgivesitlight。he；too；wasasaintandmartyrherebelow。othershavepointedoutthepathofheaven；hehastaughtustoseethoseofeartharight。
but；excepttheangels；whoarechargedwithnotingdownthesacrificesperformedinsecret；andthevirtueswhichareneverknown；whohaseverheardofmyunclemaurice？perhapsialonerememberhisname；andstillrecallhishistory。
well！iwillwriteit；notforothers；butformyself！theysaythat；atthesightoftheapollo；thebodyerectsitselfandassumesamoredignifiedattitude：inthesameway；thesoulshouldfeelitselfraisedandennobledbytherecollectionofagoodmanslife！
arayoftherisingsunlightsupthelittletableonwhichiwrite；thebreezebringsmeinthescentofthemignonette；andtheswallowswheelaboutmywindowwithjoyfultwitterings。theimageofmyunclemauricewillbeinitsproperplaceamidthesongs；thesunshine；andthefragrance。
sevenoclock鈥斺�攊tiswithmenslivesaswithdays：somedawnradiantwithathousandcolors；othersdarkwithgloomyclouds。thatofmyunclemauricewasoneofthelatter。hewassosickly；whenhecameintotheworld；thattheythoughthemustdie；butnotwithstandingtheseanticipations；whichmightbecalledhopes；hecontinuedtolive；sufferinganddeformed。
hewasdeprivedofalljoysaswellasofalltheattractionsofchildhood。hewasoppressedbecausehewasweak；andlaughedatforhisdeformity。invainthelittlehunchbackopenedhisarmstotheworld：
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