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a modest proposal(一个小小的建议)-第2部分
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may; at a year old; be offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune;
through the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them suck
plentifully in the last month; so as to render them plump; and fat for a
good table。 A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends;
and when the family dines alone; the fore or hind quarter will make a
reasonable dish; and seasoned with a little pepper or salt; will be very
good boiled on the fourth day; especially in winter。
I have reckoned upon a medium; that a child just born will weigh 12
pounds; and in a solar year; if tolerably nursed; encreaseth to 28 pounds。
I grant this food will be somewhat dear; and therefore very proper for
landlords; who; as they have already devoured most of the parents; seem
to have the best title to the children。
Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year; but more plentiful
in March; and a little before and after; for we are told by a grave author; an
eminent French physician; that fish being a prolifick dyet; there are more
children born in Roman Catholick countries about nine months after Lent;
the markets will be more glutted than usual; because the number of Popish
infants; is at least three to one in this kingdom; and therefore it will have
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A Modest Proposal
one other collateral advantage; by lessening the number of Papists among
us。
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in
which list I reckon all cottagers; labourers; and four…fifths of the farmers)
to be about two shillings per annum; rags included; and I believe no
gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat
child; which; as I have said; will make four dishes of excellent nutritive
meat; when he hath only some particular friend; or his own family to dine
with him。 Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord; and grow
popular among his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings neat profit;
and be fit for work till she produces another child。
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may
flea the carcass; the skin of which; artificially dressed; will make
admirable gloves for ladies; and summer boots for fine gentlemen。
As to our City of Dublin; shambles may be appointed for this purpose;
in the most convenient parts of it; and butchers we may be assured will not
be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive; and
dressing them hot from the knife; as we do roasting pigs。
A very worthy person; a true lover of his country; and whose virtues I
highly esteem; was lately pleased; in discoursing on this matter; to offer a
refinement upon my scheme。 He said; that many gentlemen of this
kingdom; having of late destroyed their deer; he conceived that the want of
venison might be well supply'd by the bodies of young lads and maidens;
not exceeding fourteen years of age; nor under twelve; so great a number
of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work
and service: And these to be disposed of by their parents if alive; or
otherwise by their nearest relations。 But with due deference to so excellent
a friend; and so deserving a patriot; I cannot be altogether in his
sentiments; for as to the males; my American acquaintance assured me
from frequent experience; that their flesh was generally tough and lean;
like that of our school…boys; by continual exercise; and their taste
disagreeable; and to fatten them would not answer the charge。 Then as to
the females; it would; I think; with humble submission; be a loss to the
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A Modest Proposal
publick; because they soon would become breeders themselves: And
besides; it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to
censure such a practice; (although indeed very unjustly) as a little
bordering upon cruelty; which; I confess; hath always been with me the
strongest objection against any project; how well soever intended。
But in order to justify my friend; he confessed; that this expedient was
put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor; a native of the island
Formosa; who came from thence to London; above twenty years ago; and
in conversation told my friend; that in his country; when any young person
happened to be put to death; the executioner sold the carcass to persons of
quality; as a prime dainty; and that; in his time; the body of a plump girl of
fifteen; who was crucified for an attempt to poison the Emperor; was sold
to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state; and other great mandarins
of the court in joints from the gibbet; at four hundred crowns。 Neither
indeed can I deny; that if the same use were made of several plump young
girls in this town; who without one single groat to their fortunes; cannot
stir abroad without a chair; and appear at a play…house and assemblies in
foreign fineries which they never will pay for; the kingdom would not be
the worse。
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that
vast number of poor people; who are aged; diseased; or maimed; and I
have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken; to
ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance。 But I am not in the least
pain upon that matter; because it is very well known; that they are every
day dying; and rotting; by cold and famine; and filth; and vermin; as fast
as can be reasonably expected。 And as to the young labourers; they are
now in almost as hopeful a condition。 They cannot get work; and
consequently pine away from want of nourishment; to a degree; that if at
any time they are accidentally hired to common labour; they have not
strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily
delivered from the evils to come。
I have too long digressed; and therefore shall return to my subject。 I
think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and
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A Modest Proposal
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