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3 eclipse月食-第120部分

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    Jake nodded。 “That’s true。 It’s not such a big thing — in comparison。” 
    His voice was very calm; very practical。 I stared at him; curious about how he was managing; and that 
ruined it。 He met my eyes for a second; and then twisted his head away。 I waited to speak until his breathing 
was under control。 
    “Yes。 In comparison;” I agreed。 
    “How long do you have left?” 
    “That depends on how long it takes Alice to pull a wedding together。” I suppressed a groan; imagining 
what Alice would do。 
    “Before or after?” he asked quietly。 
    I knew what he meant。 “After。” 
    He nodded。 This was a relief to him。 I wondered how many sleepless nights the thought of my graduation 
had given him。 
    “Are you scared?” he whispered。 
    “Yes;” I whispered back。 
    “What are you afraid of?” I could barely hear his voice now。 He stared down at my hands。 
    “Lots of things。” I worked to make my voice lighter; but I stayed honest。 “I’ve never been much of a 
masochist; so I’m not looking forward to the pain。 And I wish there was some way to keep him away — I 
don’t want him to suffer with me; but I don’t think there’s any way around it。 There’s dealing with Charlie; 

too; and Renée。 。 。 。 And then afterward; I hope I’ll be able to control myself soon。 Maybe I’ll be such a 
menace that the pack will have to take me out。” 
    He looked up with a disapproving expression。 “I’d hamstring any one of my brothers who tried。” 
    “Thanks。” 
    He smiled halfheartedly。 Then he frowned。 “But isn’t it more dangerous than that? In all of the stories; they 
say it’s too hard 。 。 。 they lose control 。 。 。 people die。 。 。 。” He gulped。 
    “No; I’m not afraid of that。 Silly Jacob — don’t you know better than to believe vampire stories?” 
    He obviously didn’t appreciate my attempt at humor。 
    “Well; anyway; lots to worry about。 But worth it; in the end。” 
    He nodded unwillingly; and I knew that he in no way agreed with me。 
    I stretched my neck up to whisper in his ear; laying my cheek against his warm skin。 “You know I love 
you。” 
    “I know;” he breathed; his arm tightening automatically around my waist。 “You know how much I wish it 
was enough。” 
    “Yes。” 
    “I’ll always be waiting in the wings; Bella;” he promised; lightening his tone and loosening his arm。 I pulled 
away with a dull; dragging sense of loss; feeling the tearing separation as I left a part of me behind; there on the 
bed next to him。 “You’ll always have that spare option if you want it。” 
    I made an effort to smile。 “Until my heart stops beating。” 
    He grinned back。 “You know; I think maybe I’d still take you — maybe。 I guess that depends on how 
much you stink。” 
    “Should I come back to see you? Or would you rather I didn’t?” 
    “I’ll think it through and get back to you;” he said。 “I might need the company to keep from going crazy。 
The vampire surgeon extraordinaire says I can’t phase until he gives the okay — it might mess up the way the 
bones are set。” Jacob made a face。 
    “Be good and do what Carlisle tells you to do。 You’ll get well faster。” 
    “Sure; sure。” 
    “I wonder when it will happen;” I said。 “When the right girl is going to catch your eye。” 
    “Don’t get your hopes up; Bella。” Jacob’s voice was abruptly sour。 “Though I’m sure it would be a relief 
for you。” 
    “Maybe; maybe not。 I probably won’t think she’s good enough for you。 I wonder how jealous I’ll be。” 
    “That part might be kind of fun;” he admitted。 
    “Let me know if you want me to come back; and I’ll be here;” I promised。 
    With a sigh; he turned his cheek toward me。 
    I leaned in and kissed his face softly。 “Love you; Jacob。” 
    He laughed lightly。 “Love you more。” 
    He watched me walk out of his room with an unfathomable expression in his black eyes。 

                                                  27。 NEEDS 


I DIDN’T GET VERY FAR BEFORE DRIVING BECAME IMPOSsible。 
    When I couldn’t see anymore; I let my tires find the rough shoulder and rolled slowly to a stop。 I slumped 
over on the seat and allowed the weakness I’d fought in Jacob’s room crush me。 It was worse that I’d thought 
— the force of it took me by surprise。 Yes; I had been right to hide this from Jacob。 No one should ever see 
this。 
    But I wasn’t alone for very long — just exactly long enough for Alice to see me here; and then the few 
minutes it took him to arrive。 The door creaked open; and he pulled me into his arms。 
    At first it was worse。 Because there was that smaller part of me — smaller; but getting louder and angrier 
every minute; screaming at the rest of me — that craved a different set of arms。 So then there was fresh guilt 
to season the pain。 
    He didn’t say anything; he just let me sob until I began to blubber out Charlie’s name。 
    “Are you really ready to go home?” he asked doubtfully。 
    I managed to convey; after several attempts; that it wasn’t going to get any better anytime soon。 I needed 
to get past Charlie before it got late enough for him to call Billy。 
    So he drove me home — for once not even getting close to my truck’s internal speed limit — keeping one 
arm wrapped tightly around me。 The whole way; I fought for control。 It seemed to be a doomed effort at first; 
but I didn’t give up。 Just a few seconds; I told myself。 Just time for a few excuses; or a few lies; and then I 
could break down again。 I had to be able to do that much。 I scrambled around in my head; searching 
desperately for a reserve of strength。 
    There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs — hold them back but not end them。 The tears didn’t 
slow。 I couldn’t seem to find any handle to even begin to work with those。 
    “Wait for me upstairs;” I mumbled when we were in front of the house。 
    He hugged me closer for one minute; and then he was gone。 
    Once inside; I headed straight for the stairs。 
    “Bella?” Charlie called after me from his usual place on the sofa as I walked by。 
    I turned to look at him without speaking。 His eyes bugged wide; and he lurched to his feet。 
    “What happened? Is Jacob 。 。 。 ?” he demanded。 
    I shook my head furiously; trying to find my voice。 “He’s fine; he’s fine;” I promised; my voice low and 
husky。 And Jacob was fine; physically; which is all Charlie was worried about at the moment。 
    “But what happened?” He grabbed my shoulders; his eyes still anxious and wide。 “What happened to 
you?” 
    I must look worse than I’d imagined。 
    “Nothing; Dad。 I 。 。 。 just had to talk to Jacob about 。 。 。 some things that were hard。 I’m fine。” 
    The anxiety calmed; and was replaced by disapproval。 
    “Was this really the best time?” he asked。 
    “Probably not; Dad; but I didn’t have any alternatives — it just got to the point where I had to choose。 。 。 
。 Sometimes; there isn’t any way to compromise。” 
    He shook his head slowly。 “How did he handle it?” 
    I didn’t answer。 
    He looked at my face for a minute; and then nodded。 That m
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