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lavengro-第72部分

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apple and pear。



Mine was an ill…regulated mind at this period。  As I read over the 

lives of these robbers and pickpockets; strange doubts began to 

arise in my mind about virtue and crime。  Years before; when quite 

a boy; as in one of the early chapters I have hinted; I had been a 

necessitarian; I had even written an essay on crime (I have it now 

before me; penned in a round boyish hand); in which I attempted to 

prove that there is no such thing as crime or virtue; all our 

actions being the result of circumstances or necessity。  These 

doubts were now again reviving in my mind; I could not; for the 

life of me; imagine how; taking all circumstances into 

consideration; these highwaymen; these pickpockets; should have 

been anything else than highwaymen and pickpockets; any more than 

how; taking all circumstances into consideration; Bishop Latimer 

(the reader is aware that I had read Foxe's BOOK OF MARTYRS) should 

have been anything else than Bishop Latimer。  I had a very ill…

regulated mind at that period。



My own peculiar ideas with respect to everything being a lying 

dream began also to revive。  Sometimes at midnight; after having 

toiled for hours at my occupations; I would fling myself back on my 

chair; look about the poor apartment; dimly lighted by an unsnuffed 

candle; or upon the heaps of books and papers before me; and 

exclaim; … 'Do I exist?  Do these things; which I think I see about 

me; exist; or do they not?  Is not everything a dream … a deceitful 

dream?  Is not this apartment a dream … the furniture a dream?  The 

publisher a dream … his philosophy a dream?  Am I not myself a 

dream … dreaming about translating a dream?  I can't see why all 

should not be a dream; what's the use of the reality?'  And then I 

would pinch myself; and snuff the burdened smoky light。  'I can't 

see; for the life of me; the use of all this; therefore why should 

I think that it exists?  If there was a chance; a probability; of 

all this tending to anything; I might believe; but … ' and then I 

would stare and think; and after some time shake my head and return 

again to my occupations for an hour or two; and then I would 

perhaps shake; and shiver; and yawn; and look wistfully in the 

direction of my sleeping apartment; and then; but not wistfully; at 

the papers and books before me; and sometimes I would return to my 

papers and books; but oftener I would arise; and; after another 

yawn and shiver; take my light; and proceed to my sleeping chamber。



They say that light fare begets light dreams; my fare at that time 

was light enough; but I had anything but light dreams; for at that 

period I had all kind of strange and extravagant dreams; and 

amongst other things I dreamt that the whole world had taken to 

dog…fighting; and that I; myself; had taken to dog…fighting; and 

that in a vast circus I backed an English bulldog against the 

bloodhound of the Pope of Rome。







CHAPTER XXXVII







My brother … Fits of crying … Mayor…elect … The committee … The 

Norman arch … A word of Greek … Church and State … At my own 

expense … If you please。



ONE morning I arose somewhat later than usual; having been occupied 

during the greater part of the night with my literary toil。  On 

descending from my chamber into the sitting…room I found a person 

seated by the fire; whose glance was directed sideways to the 

table; on which were the usual preparations for my morning's meal。  

Forthwith I gave a cry; and sprang forward to embrace the person; 

for the person by the fire; whose glance was directed to the table; 

was no one else than my brother。



'And how are things going on at home?' said I to my brother; after 

we had kissed and embraced。  'How is my mother; and how is the 

dog?'



'My mother; thank God; is tolerably well;' said my brother; 'but 

very much given to fits of crying。  As for the dog; he is not so 

well; but we will talk more of these matters anon;' said my 

brother; again glancing at the breakfast things:  'I am very 

hungry; as you may suppose; after having travelled all night。'



Thereupon I exerted myself to the best of my ability to perform the 

duties of hospitality; and I made my brother welcome … I may say 

more than welcome; and; when the rage of my brother's hunger was 

somewhat abated; we recommenced talking about the matters of our 

little family; and my brother told me much about my mother; he 

spoke of her fits of crying; but said that of late the said fits of 

crying had much diminished; and she appeared to be taking comfort; 

and; if I am not much mistaken; my brother told me that my mother 

had of late the Prayer…book frequently in her hand; and yet oftener 

the Bible。



We were silent for a time … at last I opened my mouth and mentioned 

the dog。



'The dog;' said my brother; 'is; I am afraid; in a very poor way; 

ever since the death he has done nothing but pine and take on。  A 

few months ago; you remember; he was as plump and fine as any dog 

in the town; but at present he is little more than skin and bone。  

Once we lost him for two days; and never expected to see him again; 

imagining that some mischance had befallen him; at length I found 

him … where do you think?  Chancing to pass by the churchyard; I 

found him seated on the grave!'



'Very strange;' said I; 'but let us talk of something else。  It was 

very kind of you to come and see me。'



'Oh; as for that matter; I did not come up to see you; though of 

course I am very glad to see you; having been rather anxious about 

you; like my mother; who has received only one letter from you 

since your departure。  No; I did not come up on purpose to see you; 

but on quite a different account。  You must know that the 

corporation of our town have lately elected a new mayor; a person 

of many qualifications … big and portly; with a voice like 

Boanerges; a religious man; the possessor of an immense pew; loyal; 

so much so that I once heard him say that he would at any time go 

three miles to hear any one sing 〃God save the King〃; moreover; a 

giver of excellent dinners。  Such is our present mayor; who; owing 

to his loyalty; his religion; and a little; perhaps; to his 

dinners; is a mighty favourite; so much so that the town is anxious 

to have his portrait painted in a superior style; so that remote 

posterity may know what kind of man he was; the colour of his hair; 

his air and gait。  So a committee was formed some time ago; which 

is still sitting; that is; they dine with the mayor every day to 

talk over the subject。  A few days since; to my great surprise; 

they made their appearance in my poor studio; and desired to be 

favoured with a sight of some of my paintings; well; I showed them 

some; and; after looking at them with great attention; they went 

aside and whispered。  〃He'll do;〃 I heard one say; 〃Yes; he'll do;〃 

said another; and then they came to me; and one of them; a li
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