lavengro-第72部分

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apple　and　pear。



Mine　was　an　ill…regulated　mind　at　this　period。　　As　I　read　over　the　

lives　of　these　robbers　and　pickpockets；　strange　doubts　began　to　

arise　in　my　mind　about　virtue　and　crime。　　Years　before；　when　quite　

a　boy；　as　in　one　of　the　early　chapters　I　have　hinted；　I　had　been　a　

necessitarian；　I　had　even　written　an　essay　on　crime　（I　have　it　now　

before　me；　penned　in　a　round　boyish　hand）；　in　which　I　attempted　to　

prove　that　there　is　no　such　thing　as　crime　or　virtue；　all　our　

actions　being　the　result　of　circumstances　or　necessity。　　These　

doubts　were　now　again　reviving　in　my　mind；　I　could　not；　for　the　

life　of　me；　imagine　how；　taking　all　circumstances　into　

consideration；　these　highwaymen；　these　pickpockets；　should　have　

been　anything　else　than　highwaymen　and　pickpockets；　any　more　than　

how；　taking　all　circumstances　into　consideration；　Bishop　Latimer　

（the　reader　is　aware　that　I　had　read　Foxe's　BOOK　OF　MARTYRS）　should　

have　been　anything　else　than　Bishop　Latimer。　　I　had　a　very　ill…

regulated　mind　at　that　period。



My　own　peculiar　ideas　with　respect　to　everything　being　a　lying　

dream　began　also　to　revive。　　Sometimes　at　midnight；　after　having　

toiled　for　hours　at　my　occupations；　I　would　fling　myself　back　on　my　

chair；　look　about　the　poor　apartment；　dimly　lighted　by　an　unsnuffed　

candle；　or　upon　the　heaps　of　books　and　papers　before　me；　and　

exclaim；　…　'Do　I　exist？　　Do　these　things；　which　I　think　I　see　about　

me；　exist；　or　do　they　not？　　Is　not　everything　a　dream　…　a　deceitful　

dream？　　Is　not　this　apartment　a　dream　…　the　furniture　a　dream？　　The　

publisher　a　dream　…　his　philosophy　a　dream？　　Am　I　not　myself　a　

dream　…　dreaming　about　translating　a　dream？　　I　can't　see　why　all　

should　not　be　a　dream；　what's　the　use　of　the　reality？'　　And　then　I　

would　pinch　myself；　and　snuff　the　burdened　smoky　light。　　'I　can't　

see；　for　the　life　of　me；　the　use　of　all　this；　therefore　why　should　

I　think　that　it　exists？　　If　there　was　a　chance；　a　probability；　of　

all　this　tending　to　anything；　I　might　believe；　but　…　'　and　then　I　

would　stare　and　think；　and　after　some　time　shake　my　head　and　return　

again　to　my　occupations　for　an　hour　or　two；　and　then　I　would　

perhaps　shake；　and　shiver；　and　yawn；　and　look　wistfully　in　the　

direction　of　my　sleeping　apartment；　and　then；　but　not　wistfully；　at　

the　papers　and　books　before　me；　and　sometimes　I　would　return　to　my　

papers　and　books；　but　oftener　I　would　arise；　and；　after　another　

yawn　and　shiver；　take　my　light；　and　proceed　to　my　sleeping　chamber。



They　say　that　light　fare　begets　light　dreams；　my　fare　at　that　time　

was　light　enough；　but　I　had　anything　but　light　dreams；　for　at　that　

period　I　had　all　kind　of　strange　and　extravagant　dreams；　and　

amongst　other　things　I　dreamt　that　the　whole　world　had　taken　to　

dog…fighting；　and　that　I；　myself；　had　taken　to　dog…fighting；　and　

that　in　a　vast　circus　I　backed　an　English　bulldog　against　the　

bloodhound　of　the　Pope　of　Rome。







CHAPTER　XXXVII







My　brother　…　Fits　of　crying　…　Mayor…elect　…　The　committee　…　The　

Norman　arch　…　A　word　of　Greek　…　Church　and　State　…　At　my　own　

expense　…　If　you　please。



ONE　morning　I　arose　somewhat　later　than　usual；　having　been　occupied　

during　the　greater　part　of　the　night　with　my　literary　toil。　　On　

descending　from　my　chamber　into　the　sitting…room　I　found　a　person　

seated　by　the　fire；　whose　glance　was　directed　sideways　to　the　

table；　on　which　were　the　usual　preparations　for　my　morning's　meal。　　

Forthwith　I　gave　a　cry；　and　sprang　forward　to　embrace　the　person；　

for　the　person　by　the　fire；　whose　glance　was　directed　to　the　table；　

was　no　one　else　than　my　brother。



'And　how　are　things　going　on　at　home？'　said　I　to　my　brother；　after　

we　had　kissed　and　embraced。　　'How　is　my　mother；　and　how　is　the　

dog？'



'My　mother；　thank　God；　is　tolerably　well；'　said　my　brother；　'but　

very　much　given　to　fits　of　crying。　　As　for　the　dog；　he　is　not　so　

well；　but　we　will　talk　more　of　these　matters　anon；'　said　my　

brother；　again　glancing　at　the　breakfast　things：　　'I　am　very　

hungry；　as　you　may　suppose；　after　having　travelled　all　night。'



Thereupon　I　exerted　myself　to　the　best　of　my　ability　to　perform　the　

duties　of　hospitality；　and　I　made　my　brother　welcome　…　I　may　say　

more　than　welcome；　and；　when　the　rage　of　my　brother's　hunger　was　

somewhat　abated；　we　recommenced　talking　about　the　matters　of　our　

little　family；　and　my　brother　told　me　much　about　my　mother；　he　

spoke　of　her　fits　of　crying；　but　said　that　of　late　the　said　fits　of　

crying　had　much　diminished；　and　she　appeared　to　be　taking　comfort；　

and；　if　I　am　not　much　mistaken；　my　brother　told　me　that　my　mother　

had　of　late　the　Prayer…book　frequently　in　her　hand；　and　yet　oftener　

the　Bible。



We　were　silent　for　a　time　…　at　last　I　opened　my　mouth　and　mentioned　

the　dog。



'The　dog；'　said　my　brother；　'is；　I　am　afraid；　in　a　very　poor　way；　

ever　since　the　death　he　has　done　nothing　but　pine　and　take　on。　　A　

few　months　ago；　you　remember；　he　was　as　plump　and　fine　as　any　dog　

in　the　town；　but　at　present　he　is　little　more　than　skin　and　bone。　　

Once　we　lost　him　for　two　days；　and　never　expected　to　see　him　again；　

imagining　that　some　mischance　had　befallen　him；　at　length　I　found　

him　…　where　do　you　think？　　Chancing　to　pass　by　the　churchyard；　I　

found　him　seated　on　the　grave！'



'Very　strange；'　said　I；　'but　let　us　talk　of　something　else。　　It　was　

very　kind　of　you　to　come　and　see　me。'



'Oh；　as　for　that　matter；　I　did　not　come　up　to　see　you；　though　of　

course　I　am　very　glad　to　see　you；　having　been　rather　anxious　about　

you；　like　my　mother；　who　has　received　only　one　letter　from　you　

since　your　departure。　　No；　I　did　not　come　up　on　purpose　to　see　you；　

but　on　quite　a　different　account。　　You　must　know　that　the　

corporation　of　our　town　have　lately　elected　a　new　mayor；　a　person　

of　many　qualifications　…　big　and　portly；　with　a　voice　like　

Boanerges；　a　religious　man；　the　possessor　of　an　immense　pew；　loyal；　

so　much　so　that　I　once　heard　him　say　that　he　would　at　any　time　go　

three　miles　to　hear　any　one　sing　〃God　save　the　King〃；　moreover；　a　

giver　of　excellent　dinners。　　Such　is　our　present　mayor；　who；　owing　

to　his　loyalty；　his　religion；　and　a　little；　perhaps；　to　his　

dinners；　is　a　mighty　favourite；　so　much　so　that　the　town　is　anxious　

to　have　his　portrait　painted　in　a　superior　style；　so　that　remote　

posterity　may　know　what　kind　of　man　he　was；　the　colour　of　his　hair；　

his　air　and　gait。　　So　a　committee　was　formed　some　time　ago；　which　

is　still　sitting；　that　is；　they　dine　with　the　mayor　every　day　to　

talk　over　the　subject。　　A　few　days　since；　to　my　great　surprise；　

they　made　their　appearance　in　my　poor　studio；　and　desired　to　be　

favoured　with　a　sight　of　some　of　my　paintings；　well；　I　showed　them　

some；　and；　after　looking　at　them　with　great　attention；　they　went　

aside　and　whispered。　　〃He'll　do；〃　I　heard　one　say；　〃Yes；　he'll　do；〃　

said　another；　and　then　they　came　to　me；　and　one　of　them；　a　li