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lavengro-第109部分

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the wall; and the next moment; stooping down; I would place the 

point of my finger upon the floor:  and so I continued to do day 

after day; frequently I would struggle to resist the impulse; but 

invariably in vain。  I have even rushed away from the object; but I 

was sure to return; the impulse was too strong to be resisted:  I 

quickly hurried back; compelled by the feeling within me to touch 

the object。  Now I need not tell you that what impelled me to these 

actions was the desire to prevent my mother's death; whenever I 

touched any particular object; it was with the view of baffling the 

evil chance; as you would call it … in this instance my mother's 

death。



'A favourable crisis occurred in my mother's complaint; and she 

recovered; this crisis took place about six o'clock in the morning; 

almost simultaneously with it there happened to myself a rather 

remarkable circumstance connected with the nervous feeling which 

was rioting in my system。  I was lying in bed in a kind of uneasy 

doze; the only kind of rest which my anxiety on account of my 

mother permitted me at this time to take; when all at once I sprang 

up as if electrified; the mysterious impulse was upon me; and it 

urged me to go without delay; and climb a stately elm behind the 

house; and touch the topmost branch; otherwise … you know the rest 

… the evil chance would prevail。  Accustomed for some time as I had 

been; under this impulse; to perform extravagant actions; I confess 

to you that the difficulty and peril of such a feat startled me; I 

reasoned against the feeling; and strove more strenuously than I 

had ever done before; I even made a solemn vow not to give way to 

the temptation; but I believe nothing less than chains; and those 

strong ones; could have restrained me。  The demoniac influence; for 

I can call it nothing else; at length prevailed; it compelled me to 

rise; to dress myself; to descend the stairs; to unbolt the door; 

and to go forth; it drove me to the foot of the tree; and it 

compelled me to climb the trunk; this was a tremendous task; and I 

only accomplished it after repeated falls and trials。  When I had 

got amongst the branches; I rested for a time; and then set about 

accomplishing the remainder of the ascent; this for some time was 

not so difficult; for I was now amongst the branches; as I 

approached the top; however; the difficulty became greater; and 

likewise the danger; but I was a light boy; and almost as nimble as 

a squirrel; and; moreover; the nervous feeling was within me; 

impelling me upward。  It was only by means of a spring; however; 

that I was enabled to touch the top of the tree; I sprang; touched 

the top of the tree; and fell a distance of at least twenty feet; 

amongst the branches; had I fallen to the bottom I must have been 

killed; but I fell into the middle of the tree; and presently found 

myself astride upon one of the boughs; scratched and bruised all 

over; I reached the ground; and regained my chamber unobserved; I 

flung myself on my bed quite exhausted; presently they came to tell 

me that my mother was better … they found me in the state which I 

have described; and in a fever besides。  The favourable crisis must 

have occurred just about the time that I performed the magic touch; 

it certainly was a curious coincidence; yet I was not weak enough; 

even though a child; to suppose that I had baffled the evil chance 

by my daring feat。



'Indeed; all the time that I was performing these strange feats; I 

knew them to be highly absurd; yet the impulse to perform them was 

irresistible … a mysterious dread hanging over me till I had given 

way to it; even at that early period I frequently used to reason 

within myself as to what could be the cause of my propensity to 

touch; but of course I could come to no satisfactory conclusion 

respecting it; being heartily ashamed of the practice; I never 

spoke of it to any one; and was at all times highly solicitous that 

no one should observe my weakness。'







CHAPTER LXV







Maternal anxiety … The baronet … Little zest … Country life … Mr。 

Speaker! … The craving … Spirited address … An author。



AFTER a short pause my host resumed his narration。  'Though I was 

never sent to school; my education was not neglected on that 

account; I had tutors in various branches of knowledge; under whom 

I made a tolerable progress; by the time I was eighteen I was able 

to read most of the Greek and Latin authors with facility; I was 

likewise; to a certain degree; a mathematician。  I cannot say that 

I took much pleasure in my studies; my chief aim in endeavouring to 

accomplish my tasks was to give pleasure to my beloved parent; who 

watched my progress with anxiety truly maternal。  My life at this 

period may be summed up in a few words:  I pursued my studies; 

roamed about the woods; walked the green lanes occasionally; cast 

my fly in a trout stream; and sometimes; but not often; rode a…

hunting with my uncle。  A considerable part of my time was devoted 

to my mother; conversing with her and reading to her; youthful 

companions I had none; and as to my mother; she lived in the 

greatest retirement; devoting herself to the superintendence of my 

education; and the practice of acts of charity; nothing could be 

more innocent than this mode of life; and some people say that in 

innocence there is happiness; yet I can't say that I was happy。  A 

continual dread overshadowed my mind; it was the dread of my 

mother's death。  Her constitution had never been strong; and it had 

been considerably shaken by her last illness; this I knew; and this 

I saw … for the eyes of fear are marvellously keen。  Well; things 

went on in this way till I had come of age; my tutors were then 

dismissed; and my uncle the baronet took me in hand; telling my 

mother that it was high time for him to exert his authority; that I 

must see something of the world; for that; if I remained much 

longer with her; I should be ruined。  〃You must consign him to me;〃 

said he; 〃and I will introduce him to the world。〃  My mother sighed 

and consented; so my uncle the baronet introduced me to the world; 

took me to horse…races and to London; and endeavoured to make a man 

of me according to his idea of the term; and in part succeeded。  I 

became moderately dissipated … I say moderately; for dissipation 

had but little zest for me。



'In this manner four years passed over。  It happened that I was in 

London in the height of the season with my uncle; at his house; one 

morning he summoned me into the parlour; he was standing before the 

fire; and looked very serious。  〃I have had a letter;〃 said he; 

〃your mother is very ill。〃  I staggered; and touched the nearest 

object to me; nothing was said for two or three minutes; and then 

my uncle put his lips to my ear and whispered something。  I fell 

down senseless。  My mother was 。 。 。 I remember nothing for a long 
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