lavengro-第109部分

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the　wall；　and　the　next　moment；　stooping　down；　I　would　place　the　

point　of　my　finger　upon　the　floor：　　and　so　I　continued　to　do　day　

after　day；　frequently　I　would　struggle　to　resist　the　impulse；　but　

invariably　in　vain。　　I　have　even　rushed　away　from　the　object；　but　I　

was　sure　to　return；　the　impulse　was　too　strong　to　be　resisted：　　I　

quickly　hurried　back；　compelled　by　the　feeling　within　me　to　touch　

the　object。　　Now　I　need　not　tell　you　that　what　impelled　me　to　these　

actions　was　the　desire　to　prevent　my　mother's　death；　whenever　I　

touched　any　particular　object；　it　was　with　the　view　of　baffling　the　

evil　chance；　as　you　would　call　it　…　in　this　instance　my　mother's　

death。



'A　favourable　crisis　occurred　in　my　mother's　complaint；　and　she　

recovered；　this　crisis　took　place　about　six　o'clock　in　the　morning；　

almost　simultaneously　with　it　there　happened　to　myself　a　rather　

remarkable　circumstance　connected　with　the　nervous　feeling　which　

was　rioting　in　my　system。　　I　was　lying　in　bed　in　a　kind　of　uneasy　

doze；　the　only　kind　of　rest　which　my　anxiety　on　account　of　my　

mother　permitted　me　at　this　time　to　take；　when　all　at　once　I　sprang　

up　as　if　electrified；　the　mysterious　impulse　was　upon　me；　and　it　

urged　me　to　go　without　delay；　and　climb　a　stately　elm　behind　the　

house；　and　touch　the　topmost　branch；　otherwise　…　you　know　the　rest　

…　the　evil　chance　would　prevail。　　Accustomed　for　some　time　as　I　had　

been；　under　this　impulse；　to　perform　extravagant　actions；　I　confess　

to　you　that　the　difficulty　and　peril　of　such　a　feat　startled　me；　I　

reasoned　against　the　feeling；　and　strove　more　strenuously　than　I　

had　ever　done　before；　I　even　made　a　solemn　vow　not　to　give　way　to　

the　temptation；　but　I　believe　nothing　less　than　chains；　and　those　

strong　ones；　could　have　restrained　me。　　The　demoniac　influence；　for　

I　can　call　it　nothing　else；　at　length　prevailed；　it　compelled　me　to　

rise；　to　dress　myself；　to　descend　the　stairs；　to　unbolt　the　door；　

and　to　go　forth；　it　drove　me　to　the　foot　of　the　tree；　and　it　

compelled　me　to　climb　the　trunk；　this　was　a　tremendous　task；　and　I　

only　accomplished　it　after　repeated　falls　and　trials。　　When　I　had　

got　amongst　the　branches；　I　rested　for　a　time；　and　then　set　about　

accomplishing　the　remainder　of　the　ascent；　this　for　some　time　was　

not　so　difficult；　for　I　was　now　amongst　the　branches；　as　I　

approached　the　top；　however；　the　difficulty　became　greater；　and　

likewise　the　danger；　but　I　was　a　light　boy；　and　almost　as　nimble　as　

a　squirrel；　and；　moreover；　the　nervous　feeling　was　within　me；　

impelling　me　upward。　　It　was　only　by　means　of　a　spring；　however；　

that　I　was　enabled　to　touch　the　top　of　the　tree；　I　sprang；　touched　

the　top　of　the　tree；　and　fell　a　distance　of　at　least　twenty　feet；　

amongst　the　branches；　had　I　fallen　to　the　bottom　I　must　have　been　

killed；　but　I　fell　into　the　middle　of　the　tree；　and　presently　found　

myself　astride　upon　one　of　the　boughs；　scratched　and　bruised　all　

over；　I　reached　the　ground；　and　regained　my　chamber　unobserved；　I　

flung　myself　on　my　bed　quite　exhausted；　presently　they　came　to　tell　

me　that　my　mother　was　better　…　they　found　me　in　the　state　which　I　

have　described；　and　in　a　fever　besides。　　The　favourable　crisis　must　

have　occurred　just　about　the　time　that　I　performed　the　magic　touch；　

it　certainly　was　a　curious　coincidence；　yet　I　was　not　weak　enough；　

even　though　a　child；　to　suppose　that　I　had　baffled　the　evil　chance　

by　my　daring　feat。



'Indeed；　all　the　time　that　I　was　performing　these　strange　feats；　I　

knew　them　to　be　highly　absurd；　yet　the　impulse　to　perform　them　was　

irresistible　…　a　mysterious　dread　hanging　over　me　till　I　had　given　

way　to　it；　even　at　that　early　period　I　frequently　used　to　reason　

within　myself　as　to　what　could　be　the　cause　of　my　propensity　to　

touch；　but　of　course　I　could　come　to　no　satisfactory　conclusion　

respecting　it；　being　heartily　ashamed　of　the　practice；　I　never　

spoke　of　it　to　any　one；　and　was　at　all　times　highly　solicitous　that　

no　one　should　observe　my　weakness。'







CHAPTER　LXV







Maternal　anxiety　…　The　baronet　…　Little　zest　…　Country　life　…　Mr。　

Speaker！　…　The　craving　…　Spirited　address　…　An　author。



AFTER　a　short　pause　my　host　resumed　his　narration。　　'Though　I　was　

never　sent　to　school；　my　education　was　not　neglected　on　that　

account；　I　had　tutors　in　various　branches　of　knowledge；　under　whom　

I　made　a　tolerable　progress；　by　the　time　I　was　eighteen　I　was　able　

to　read　most　of　the　Greek　and　Latin　authors　with　facility；　I　was　

likewise；　to　a　certain　degree；　a　mathematician。　　I　cannot　say　that　

I　took　much　pleasure　in　my　studies；　my　chief　aim　in　endeavouring　to　

accomplish　my　tasks　was　to　give　pleasure　to　my　beloved　parent；　who　

watched　my　progress　with　anxiety　truly　maternal。　　My　life　at　this　

period　may　be　summed　up　in　a　few　words：　　I　pursued　my　studies；　

roamed　about　the　woods；　walked　the　green　lanes　occasionally；　cast　

my　fly　in　a　trout　stream；　and　sometimes；　but　not　often；　rode　a…

hunting　with　my　uncle。　　A　considerable　part　of　my　time　was　devoted　

to　my　mother；　conversing　with　her　and　reading　to　her；　youthful　

companions　I　had　none；　and　as　to　my　mother；　she　lived　in　the　

greatest　retirement；　devoting　herself　to　the　superintendence　of　my　

education；　and　the　practice　of　acts　of　charity；　nothing　could　be　

more　innocent　than　this　mode　of　life；　and　some　people　say　that　in　

innocence　there　is　happiness；　yet　I　can't　say　that　I　was　happy。　　A　

continual　dread　overshadowed　my　mind；　it　was　the　dread　of　my　

mother's　death。　　Her　constitution　had　never　been　strong；　and　it　had　

been　considerably　shaken　by　her　last　illness；　this　I　knew；　and　this　

I　saw　…　for　the　eyes　of　fear　are　marvellously　keen。　　Well；　things　

went　on　in　this　way　till　I　had　come　of　age；　my　tutors　were　then　

dismissed；　and　my　uncle　the　baronet　took　me　in　hand；　telling　my　

mother　that　it　was　high　time　for　him　to　exert　his　authority；　that　I　

must　see　something　of　the　world；　for　that；　if　I　remained　much　

longer　with　her；　I　should　be　ruined。　　〃You　must　consign　him　to　me；〃　

said　he；　〃and　I　will　introduce　him　to　the　world。〃　　My　mother　sighed　

and　consented；　so　my　uncle　the　baronet　introduced　me　to　the　world；　

took　me　to　horse…races　and　to　London；　and　endeavoured　to　make　a　man　

of　me　according　to　his　idea　of　the　term；　and　in　part　succeeded。　　I　

became　moderately　dissipated　…　I　say　moderately；　for　dissipation　

had　but　little　zest　for　me。



'In　this　manner　four　years　passed　over。　　It　happened　that　I　was　in　

London　in　the　height　of　the　season　with　my　uncle；　at　his　house；　one　

morning　he　summoned　me　into　the　parlour；　he　was　standing　before　the　

fire；　and　looked　very　serious。　　〃I　have　had　a　letter；〃　said　he；　

〃your　mother　is　very　ill。〃　　I　staggered；　and　touched　the　nearest　

object　to　me；　nothing　was　said　for　two　or　three　minutes；　and　then　

my　uncle　put　his　lips　to　my　ear　and　whispered　something。　　I　fell　

down　senseless。　　My　mother　was　。　。　。　I　remember　nothing　for　a　long