the research magnificent-第29部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！


d　his　own。　　As　visibly　he　bore　up　bravely。　　〃There　are　few　men；　Poff；　who　would　not　envy　you　your　opportunities；〃　he　said。　　〃You　have　the　Feast　of　Life　spread　out　at　your　feet。　。　。　。　　I　hope　you　have　had　yourself　put　up　for　the　Athenaeum。　　They　say　it　takes　years。　　When　I　was　a　young　manand　ambitiousI　thought　that　some　day　I　might　belong　to　the　Athenaeum。　。　。　。　　One　has　to　learn。　。　。　。〃

7

And　with　an　effect　of　detachment；　just　as　though　it　didn't　belong　to　the　rest　of　him　at　all；　there　was　beginning　a　sort　of　backstairs　and　underside　to　Benham's　life。　　There　is　no　need　to　discuss　how　inevitable　that　may　or　may　not　be　in　the　case　of　a　young　man　of　spirit　and　large　means；　nor　to　embark　upon　the　discussion　of　the　temptations　and　opportunities　of　large　cities。　　Several　ladies；　of　various　positions　and　qualities；　had　reflected　upon　his　manifest　need　of　education。　　There　was　in　particular　Mrs。　Skelmersdale；　a　very　pretty　little　widow　with　hazel　eyes；　black　hair；　a　mobile　mouth；　and　a　pathetic　history；　who　talked　of　old　music　to　him　and　took　him　to　a　Dolmetsch　concert　in　Clifford's　Inn；　and　expanded　that　common　interest　to　a　general　participation　in　his　indefinite　outlook。　　She　advised　him　about　his　probable　politicseverybody　did　thatbut　when　he　broke　through　his　usual　reserve　and　suggested　views　of　his　own；　she　was　extraordinarily　sympathetic。　　She　was　so　sympathetic　and　in　such　a　caressing　way　that　she　created　a　temporary　belief　in　her　understanding；　and　it　was　quite　imperceptibly　that　he　was　drawn　into　the　discussion　of　modern　ethical　problems。　　She　herself　was　a　rather　stimulating　instance　of　modern　ethical　problems。　　She　told　him　something　of　her　own　story；　and　then　their　common　topics　narrowed　down　very　abruptly。　　He　found　he　could　help　her　in　several　ways。　　There　is；　unhappily；　a　disposition　on　the　part　of　many　people；　who　ought　to　know　better；　to　regard　a　role　played　by　Joseph　during　his　earlier　days　in　Egypt　as　a　ridiculous　one。　　This　point　of　view　became　very　inopportunely　dominant　in　Benham's　mind　when　he　was　lunching　TETE　A　TETE　with　Mrs。　Skelmersdale　at　her　flat。　。　。　。　The　ensuing　intimacy　was　of　an　entirely　concealed　and　respectable　nature；　but　a　certain　increased　preoccupation　in　his　manner　set　Lady　Marayne　thinking。　　He　had　as　a　matter　of　fact　been　taken　by　surprise。　Still　he　perceived　that　it　is　no　excuse　for　a　man　that　he　has　been　taken　by　surprise。　　Surprises　in　one's　own　conduct　ought　not　to　happen。　　When　they　do　happen　then　an　aristocrat　ought　to　stick　to　what　he　had　done。　　He　was　now　in　a　subtle　and　complicated　relationship　to　Mrs。　Skelmersdale；　a　relationship　in　which　her　pride　had　become　suddenly　a　matter　of　tremendous　importance。　　Once　he　had　launched　himself　upon　this　affair；　it　was　clear　to　him　that　he　owed　it　to　her　never　to　humiliate　her。　　And　to　go　back　upon　himself　now　would　be　a　tremendous　humiliation　for　her。　　You　see；　he　had　helped　her　a　little　financially。　　And　she　looked　to　him；　she　wanted　him。　。　。　。　She　wasn't；　he　knew；　altogether　respectable。　　Indeed；　poor　dear；　her　ethical　problems；　already　a　little　worn；　made　her　seem　at　times　anything　but　respectable。　　He　had　met　her　first　one　evening　at　Jimmy　Gluckstein's　when　he　was　forming　his　opinion　of　Art。　　Her　manifest　want　of　interest　in　pictures　had　attracted　him。　　And　that　had　led　to　music。　　And　to　the　mention　of　a　Clementi　piano；　that　short；　gentle；　sad；　old；　little　sort　of　piano　people　will　insist　upon　calling　a　spinet；　in　her　flat。　And　so　to　this。　。　。　。　It　was　very　wonderful　and　delicious；　this　first　indulgence　of　sense。　It　was　shabby　and　underhand。　The　great　god　Pan　is　a　glorious　god。　　（And　so　was　Swinburne。）　　And　what　can　compare　with　the　warmth　of　blood　and　the　sheen　of　sunlit　limbs？　But　Priapus。　。　。　。　She　was　the　most　subtle；　delightful　and　tender　of　created　beings。　She　had　amazing　streaks　of　vulgarity。　And　some　astonishing　friends。　Once　she　had　seemed　to　lead　the　talk　deliberately　to　money　matters。　She　loved　him　and　desired　him。　　There　was　no　doubt　of　it。　There　was　a　curious　effect　about　her　as　though　when　she　went　round　the　corner　she　would　become　somebody　else。　　And　a　curious　recurrent　feeling　that　round　the　corner　there　was　somebody　else。　He　had　an　extraordinary　feeling　that　his　mother　knew　about　this　business。　　This　feeling　came　from　nothing　in　her　words　or　acts；　but　from　some　indefinable　change　in　her　eyes　and　bearing　towards　him。　But　how　could　she　know？　It　was　unlikely　that　she　and　Mrs。　Skelmersdale　would　ever　meet；　and　it　seemed　to　him　that　it　would　be　a　particularly　offensive　incident　for　them　to　meet。　There　were　times　now　when　life　took　on　a　grey　and　boring　quality　such　as　it　had　never　had　before　he　met　Mrs。　Skelmersdale；　and　the　only　remedy　was　to　go　to　her。　　She　could　restore　his　nervous　tranquillity；　his　feeling　of　solidity　and　reality；　his　pride　in　himself。　　For　a　time；　that　is。　Nevertheless　his　mind　was　as　a　whole　pervaded　by　the　feeling　that　he　ought　not　to　have　been　taken　by　surprise。　And　he　had　the　clearest　conviction　in　his　mind　that　if　now　he　could　be　put　back　again　to　the　day　before　that　lunch。　。　。　。　No！　he　should　not　have　gone　there　to　lunch。　He　had　gone　there　to　see　her　Clementi　piano。　Had　he　or　had　he　not　thought　beforehand　of　any　other　possibility？　On　a　point　so　vital　his　memory　was　curiously　unsure。

8

The　worry　and　disorganization　of　Benham's　life　and　thoughts　increased　as　the　spring　advanced。　　His　need　in　some　way　to　pull　things　together　became　overpowering。　　He　began　to　think　of　Billy　Prothero；　more　and　more　did　it　seem　desirable　to　have　a　big　talk　with　Billy　and　place　everything　that　had　got　disturbed。　　Benham　thought　of　going　to　Cambridge　for　a　week　of　exhaustive　evenings。　Small　engagements　delayed　that　expedition。　。　。　。　Then　came　a　day　in　April　when　all　the　world　seemed　wrong　to　Benham。　He　was　irritable；　his　will　was　unstable；　whatever　presented　itself　to　be　done　presented　itself　as　undesirable；　he　could　settle　to　nothing。　　He　had　been　keeping　away　from　Mrs。　Skelmersdale　and　in　the　morning　there　came　a　little　note　from　her　designed　to　correct　this　abstention。　　She　understood　the　art　of　the　attractive　note。　　But　he　would　not　decide　to　go　to　her。　　He　left　the　note　unanswered。　Then　came　his　mother　at　the　telephone　and　it　became　instantly　certain　to　Benham　that　he　could　not　play　the　dutiful　son　that　evening。　　He　answered　her　that　he　could　not　come　to　dinner。　　He　had　engaged　himself。　　〃Where？〃　〃With　some　men。〃　There　was　a　pause　and　then　his　mother's　voice　came；　flattened　by　disappointment。　　〃Very　well　then；　little　Poff。　　Perhaps　I　shall　see　you　to…morrow。〃　He　replaced　the　receiver　and　fretted　back　into　his　study；　where　the　notes　on　aristocracy　lay　upon　his　desk；　the　notes　he　had　been　pretending　to　work　over　all　the　morning。　〃Damned　liar！〃　he　said；　and　then；　〃Dirty　liar！〃　　He　decided　to　lunch　at　the　club；　and　in　the　afternoon　he　was　moved　to　telephone　an　appointment　with　his　siren。　　And　having　done　that　he　was　bound　to　keep　it。　About　one　o'clock　in　the　morning　he　found　himself　walking　back　to　Finacue　Street。　　He　was　no　longer　a　fretful　conflict　of　nerves；　but　if　anything　he　was　less　happy　than　he　had　been　before。　　It　seemed　to　him　that　London　was　a　desolate　and　inglorious　growth。　London　ten　years　ago　was　much　l