友情提示:如果本网页打开太慢或显示不完整,请尝试鼠标右键“刷新”本网页!
the professor at the breakfast table-第50部分
快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完,想下次继续接着阅读,可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能!
Joe Smith should come along; he could string the whole lot of them
on his cheapest lie; as a boy strings a dozen 〃shiners〃 on a
stripped twig of willow。
The Professor (meaning ourselves) is in a hurry; as usual; let the
horn…combers wait;he shall be bumped without inspecting the
antechamber。
Tape round the head;22 inches。 (Come on; old 23 inches; if you
think you are the better man!)
Feels thorax and arm; and nuzzles round among muscles as those
horrid old women poke their fingers into the salt…meat on the
provision…stalls at the Quincy Market。 Vitality; No。 5 or 6; or
something or other。 Victuality; (organ at epigastrium;) some
other number equally significant。
Mild champooing of head now commences。 'Extraordinary revelations!
Cupidiphilous; 6! Hymeniphilous; 6 +! Paediphilous; 5!
Deipniphilous; 6! Gelasmiphilous; 6! Musikiphilous; 5!
Uraniphilous; 5! Glossiphilous; 8!! and so on。 Meant for a
linguist。 Invaluable information。 Will invest in grammars and
dictionaries immediately。 I have nothing against the grand total
of my phrenological endowments。
I never set great store by my head; and did not think Messrs。
Bumpus and Crane would give me so good a lot of organs as they did;
especially considering that I was a dead…head on that occasion。
Much obliged to them for their politeness。 They have been useful in
their way by calling attention to important physiological facts。
(This concession is due to our immense bump of Candor。)
A short Lecture on Phrenology; read to the Boarders at our
Breakfast…Table。
I shall begin; my friends; with the definition of a Pseudo…science。
A Pseudo…science consists of a nomenclature; with a self…adjusting
arrangement; by which all positive evidence; or such as favors its
doctrines; is admitted; and all negative evidence; or such as tells
against it; is excluded。 It is invariably connected with some
lucrative practical application。 Its professors and practitioners
are usually shrewd people; they are very serious with the public;
but wink and laugh a good deal among themselves。 The believing
multitude consists of women of both sexes; feeble minded inquirers;
poetical optimists; people who always get cheated in buying horses;
philanthropists who insist on hurrying up the millennium; and others
of this class; with here and there a clergyman; less frequently a
lawyer; very rarely a physician; and almost never a horse…jockey or
a member of the detective police。 I do not say that Phrenology was
one of the Pseudo…sciences。
A Pseudo…science does not necessarily consist wholly of lies。 It
may contain many truths; and even valuable ones。 The rottenest bank
starts with a little specie。 It puts out a thousand promises to pay
on the strength of a single dollar; but the dollar is very commonly
a good one。 The practitioners of the Pseudo…sciences know that
common minds; after they have been baited with a real fact or two;
will jump at the merest rag of a lie; or even at the bare hook。
When we have one fact found us; we are very apt to supply the next
out of our own imagination。 (How many persons can read Judges xv。
16 correctly the first time?) The Pseudo…sciences take advantage of
this。 I did not say that it was so with Phrenology。
I have rarely met a sensible man who would not allow that there was
something in Phrenology。 A broad; high forehead; it is commonly
agreed; promises intellect; one that is 〃villanous low〃 and has a
huge hind…head back of it; is wont to mark an animal nature。 I have
as rarely met an unbiassed and sensible man who really believed in
the bumps。 It is observed; however; that persons with what the
Phrenologists call 〃good heads〃 are more prone than others toward
plenary belief in the doctrine。
It is so hard to prove a negative; that; if a man should assert that
the moon was in truth a green cheese; formed by the coagulable
substance of the Milky Way; and challenge me to prove the contrary;
I might be puzzled。 But if he offer to sell me a ton of this lunar
cheese; I call on him to prove the truth of the Gaseous nature of
our satellite; before I purchase。
It is not necessary to prove the falsity of the phrenological
statement。 It is only necessary to show that its truth is not
proved; and cannot be; by the common course of argument。 The walls
of the head are double; with a great air…chamber between them; over
the smallest and most closely crowded 〃organs。〃 Can you tell how
much money there is in a safe; which also has thick double walls; by
kneading its knobs with your fingers? So when a man fumbles about
my forehead; and talks about the organs of Individuality; Size;
etc。; I trust him as much as I should if he felt of the outside of
my strong…box and told me that there was a five…dollar or a ten…
dollar…bill under this or that particular rivet。 Perhaps there is;
only he does n't know anything about at。 But this is a point that
I; the Professor; understand; my friends; or ought to; certainly;
better than you do。 The next argument you will all appreciate。
I proceed; therefore; to explain the self…adjusting mechanism of
Phrenology; which is very similar to that of the Pseudo…sciences。
An example will show it most conveniently。
A。 is a notorious thief。 Messrs。 Bumpus and Crane examine him and
find a good…sized organ of Acquisitiveness。 Positive fact for
Phrenology。 Casts and drawings of A。 are multiplied; and the bump
does not lose in the act of copying。 I did not say it gained。
What do you look so for? (to the boarders。)
Presently B。 turns up; a bigger thief than A。 But B。 has no bump at
all over Acquisitiveness。 Negative fact; goes against Phrenology。
Not a bit of it。 Don't you see how small Conscientiousness is?
That's the reason B。 stole。
And then comes C。; ten times as much a thief as either A。 or B。;
used to steal before he was weaned; and would pick one of his own
pockets and put its contents in another; if he could find no other
way of committing petty larceny。 Unfortunately; C。 has a hollow;
instead of a bump; over Acquisitiveness。 Ah; but just look and see
what a bump of Alimentiveness! Did not C。 buy nuts and gingerbread;
when a boy; with the money he stole? Of course you see why he is a
thief; and how his example confirms our noble science。
At last comes along a case which is apparently a settler; for there
is a little brain with vast and varied powers;a case like that of
Byron; for instance。 Then comes out the grand reserve…reason which
covers everything and renders it simply impossible ever to corner a
Phrenologist。 〃It is not the size alone; but the quality of an
organ; which determines its degree of power。〃
Oh! oh! I see。 The argument may be briefly stated thus by the
Phrenologist: 〃Heads I win; tails you lose。〃 Well; that's
convenient。
It must be confessed that Phrenology has a certain resemblance to
the Pseudo…sciences。 I did no
快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
温馨提示: 温看小说的同时发表评论,说出自己的看法和其它小伙伴们分享也不错哦!发表书评还可以获得积分和经验奖励,认真写原创书评 被采纳为精评可以获得大量金币、积分和经验奖励哦!