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故事会全部开心笑话集锦-第294部分

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艺饫镌趺疵挥蠶Q币呢,你帮我下载点QQ币……“那玩意要是能下载我就不用上班了……“网管!QQ怎么激活啊!!”唉,这个都不会。忙……  2007…5…15 14:13:21

 '双语幽默'安眠药作者: 佚名    推荐人:samuelkevin    来源:hzszySleeping Pills    Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night。 He went to see his doctor; who prescribed some extra…strong sleeping pills。     Sunday night Bob took the pills; slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm。 He took his time getting to the office; strolled in and said to his boss: 〃I didnt have a bit of trouble getting up this morning。〃     〃Thats fine;〃 roared the boss; 〃but where were you Monday and Tuesday?〃 安眠药    鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生,医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。     星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药,睡得很好,在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室,遛达进去,对老板说:“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”     “好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”  2007…5…15 14:01:46

 '双语幽默'单簧管作者: 佚名    推荐人:samuelkevin    来源:hzszyClarinet    When I played with a symphony orchestra; our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board; and which had to be shipped as luggage。 A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate; expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold。     He neatly solved the problem。 Cello in hand; he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked; 〃May I bring my clarinet on board?〃 Scanning her list; she replied; 〃Clarinets are okay。 Have a good trip;〃 and; smiling; waved him on。 单簧管    我在一个交响乐团演奏时,我们乐团与一家大航空公司达成协议,哪些乐器可以带上飞机,哪些乐器要作为行李托运。一个大提琴手惊愕地发现他那精致、昂贵的木质乐器竟要托运,经受行李舱内的低温以及野蛮的装缷。     他干净利落地解决了这个问题。他手里拿着大提琴,走到门口的空中小姐跟前,问道:“我可以将我单簧管带上飞机吗?”她检视了一下单子,答道,“单簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然后微笑着挥手让他进去了。  2007…5…15 14:01:16

 [双语幽默]给妻子的玫瑰作者: 佚名    推荐人:samuelkevin    来源:hzszyRoses for My Wife    On the way home one night; I spotted some fresh…cut roses outside a florists shop。 After selecting a dozen and entering the shop; I was greeted by a young saleswoman。     〃Are these for your wife; sir?〃 she asked。     〃Yes;〃 I said。     〃For her birthday?〃 she asked。     〃No;〃 I replied。     〃For your anniversary?〃     〃No;〃 I said again。     As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door; the young woman called out; 〃I hope she forgives you。〃 给妻子的玫瑰    一天晚上回家的路上,我看到一家花店外面有一些刚剪下来的玫瑰。我挑了一打,走进店里,一个年轻的女售货员跟我打了个招呼。     “先生,这些是送给你妻子的吗?”她问道。     “是的,”我说。     “她的生日?”她问。     “不是,”我回答。     “你们的结婚纪念日?”     “不是,”我又答道。     当我将找回的钱装进口袋,朝门口走去时,那年轻的女人冲我喊道:“希望她能原谅你。”  2007…5…15 14:00:44

 [双语幽默]要求加薪作者: 佚名    推荐人:samuelkevin    来源:hzszyAsking for a Raise    At the radio station where I worked; the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound…effects package we were considering purchasing。 He closed the door so we wouldnt bother people in the outer office。     After listening to a few routine sound effects; we started playing around with low moans; maniacal screams; hysterical laughter; pleading and gunshots。 When I finally opened the door and passed the managers secretary; she looked up and inquired; 〃Asking for a raise again?〃 要求加薪    我在一家电台工作。经理把我叫进他的办公室,让我预试一下我们准备购买的一套新的音响效果设备。他关上门,以免打扰外面办公室的人。     听了几个常规的音响效果后,我们开始试听低声的呻吟,狂乱的尖叫,歇斯底里的大笑,哀求逺和枪声。最后我开门出去,从经理秘书旁边经过时,她抬起头问道:“又要求加薪了?”  2007…5…15 14:00:13

 '双语幽默'天气预报作者: 佚名    推荐人:samuelkevin    来源:hzszyWeather Predict    A film crew was on location deep in the desert。 One day an old Indian went up to the director and said; 〃Tomorrow rain。〃 The next day it rained。     A week later; the Indian went up to the director and said; 〃Tomorrow storm。〃 The next day there was a hailstorm。     〃This Indian is incredible;〃 said the director。 He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather。     However; after several successful predictions; the old Indian didnt show up for two weeks。     Finally the director sent for him。 〃I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow;〃 said the director; 〃and Im depending on you。 What will the weather be like?〃     The Indian shrugged his shoulders。 〃Dont know;〃 he said。 〃Radio is broken。〃 天气预报    一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作。一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说:〃明天下雨。〃第二天果然下雨了。    一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,〃明天有风暴。〃果然,第二天下了雹暴。    〃印度人真神〃导演说,他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气。      几次预报都很成功。然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了。     最后,导演派人去把他叫来了。〃我明天必须拍一个很大的场景〃导演说,〃这得靠你了。明天天气如何啊?〃     印度人耸了耸肩。〃我不知道;〃印度人说;〃收音机坏了。〃  2007…5…15 13:59:35

 [双语幽默]伟大的猎手Jonesie作者: 佚名    推荐人:samuelkevin    来源:hzszyJonesie The Great Lion Hunter    A small village was troubled by a man…eating lion。 So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter; Jonesie; to e and kill the beast。     For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion; but it never appeared。 Finally; he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide。 Draping the skin over his shoulders; he went to the pasture to wait for the lion。     In the middle of the night; the villagers woke to the sound of blood…curdling shrieks ing from the pasture。 As they carefully approached; they saw the hunter on the ground; groaning in pain。 There was no sign of the lion。     〃What happened; Jonesie? Where is the lion?〃 asked the chief。     〃Forget the damn lion!〃 he howled。 〃Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?〃伟大的猎手Jonesie    有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是,村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。     猎手躺着等了几个晚上,但狮子一直没有出现。最后,他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后,猎人到草原上去等狮子。     半夜,村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后,看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。     “Jonesie,怎么了?狮子在哪?”村长问。     “哪有狮子!”猎人怒吼道,“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了?”  2007…5…15 13:59:02

 '双语幽默'A Mistake搞错了作者: 佚名    推荐人:samuelkevin    来源:3edu教育网3eduA Mistake    An American; a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident。 They arrived at the gates of heaven; where a flustered St。 Peter explained that there had been a mistake。 〃Give me 500 each;〃 he said; 〃and Ill return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened。〃     〃Done!〃 said the American。 Instantly; he found himself standing unhurt near the scene。     〃Where are the others?〃 asked a medic。     〃Last I knew;〃 said the American; 〃the Scot was haggling price; and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay。〃 搞错了    一位美国人,一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里,醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元,”
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